Why He Is Not Your "Friend."

In all honesty, I ran from this one. Probably more than anything, because it hit home indirectly. I too have been guilty of this crime against myself and others, and now I see how much damage it can truly cause. In all fairness, no one really sees this coming, it's always innocent at first, but in the end, someone is bound to be hurt. I am going to write this from the females perspective because in my experience, things I've been told and read, this doesn't really happen this way on the male side, and I will explain why: Males don't befriend women they are not attracted to her in some way. When I say befriend, I mean a true friend. A male reading this may say, "Yes I do, I have a best friend who I wouldn't date." A friend is someone you have a bond of mutual affection with. Meaning you talk every day, you hang out with them as much as possible, you go to events together, have dinner together, you know where each other lives, you have met the other persons close friends and family, that's very well a friendship. The thing is, a male is not going to get that affectionate about a female he doesn't have interest in being with, and if you said that, that girl you are thinking of while reading is your true friend, look over all the things that true friends do and ask yourself if you do those things with her. If you don't you're not true friends and that’s proof you're not attracted to her. Now, if you do all those things with her it is safe to say you do like her, and this entire "friendship" is going to be short lived because either the two of you will be together, or find someone else. And this is when the problems arises.....

When a male sees a woman he is attracted to, because of his male instincts to pursue a female, he will try to get close to her. When this happens in a setting where he can frequently see the woman like work, social media, or some form of group he will begin to take an interest in what she is like. Now in some cases this is innocent really, it's just that she's nice looking and seems cool so he would love to get to know her on a "friendly" level. Now also in most cases the man will be single because no married men should be on the prowl for addressing a pretty female, but again this is most cases and if married men are, that's an entirely different blog, but I will say sweety he is not trying to be your "friend" either! The man will find out soon if the woman is single and if she is he will continue his quest to get to know her. He will begin talking to her on the regular about his job, family, and future. An acquaintanceship will build because she will do the same. They may even have dinner or lunch together. He may begin to help her with chores, and just really being a "friend" to her. So then the question arises, as to how can you spend this much time with a person and be "just friends?" Well the answer is simple. He is NOT your friend.

Remember earlier when I gave you the definition of what a friend is and I explained the things they do together and that whole affection part? See you can do those things with someone you share the same sex with and never imagine intimacy, but it's impossible to do so with the opposite sex. Why? Because we are not meant to. It is our chemical make-up to be attracted to people of the opposite sex, and if we find interest in them, nature requires us to want to be around them, and very soon you will desire more. It's natural! Think about it:

  • When God made Eve for Adam, he didn't tell him this is your friendly partner, and you can have more of these. She became his help meet and more so his wife. (Genesis 2:22)

  • Boaz found out Ruth was available to him and went right away to see if he could MARRY her, no question about it. (Ruth 4)

  • King Ahasuerus sought out to find a new WIFE when he chose Esther. Not a new "FRIEND." (Esther 2)

That is just to name a few.

Many times when these situations take place, the female may not be actually interested in the male, and hopefully he finds out and is able to move on. Then in other cases, the female may actually like him too and they may go on to have a beautiful relationship that soon turns into marriage. Whatever the case, let's always be mindful of this and be true to ourselves and others. We don't take an active interest in things we don’t desire, and things that we don't desire we don't take an active interest in. This is just the truth of the matter. So before we start naming people of the opposite sex our "friends" take into account that there is a little more there and if it's okay and two people are interested explore it, and if it's not okay leave it where it is and maintain a healthy acquaintanceship. One thing it can do at a later time if the friendship continues is cause problems in marriages so we must be careful of that. Regardless spouses always come first. I truly hope this blessed someone, and answered many burning questions!

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