Upon giving birth to my youngest child, I began to notice that a deep depression had begun to take over my being. When I use the term "deep" in my own experience meaning: I struggled to stay in thought of being a mother again! GOD fulfilled my desire to be the best mother to my children! I gave birth to another child, a healthy amazingly unique baby boy weighing 9lb 6oz.
As my state of mind progressed, I started to become intensively anxious, fearful, confused, withdrawn from my day to day life. I had also BECAME AWAKEN to a spiritual discernment that I had never BEFORE EXPERIENCED. GOD showed up in my darkest pit, He came to destroy the works of the enemy in my life which I later found out had a name; it was called “Postpartum Depression.”
I recall being overly fearful enticed by the voice of the enemy NOT TO CONFESS the battle in my mind to others as he replayed the lie to me that I will be constituted to insanity by everyone! That my children will be taken away from me and I would never recover! Day to day, I listened MORE and MORE to these lies, fearful to confess the struggle because as I explained to a loved one, “Is it possible to have something in your mind, but in YOUR HEART YOU KNOW you are experiencing the complete opposite of the thought?”
My loved one declared the Word of GOD among other advice, and told me to read 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
I couldn't open my mouth to speak the Word, but I had faith that the Spirit of GOD THAT WAS FOR ME WOULD CONTINUE HIS WORK against my depression! I began to believe that God would build me up because I reconciled my life back to Him. I decided to trust in God and not focus on the depression.
He taught me how to learn to trust in Him, how to pray in the Spirit, how to declare His glory without shame, how to suffer for His name sake. I pleaded many days, LORD when will you deliver me up out of this doom? He being faithful reassured me daily that it was necessary! It was part of the purging of my life and my complete surrender to a Sovereign GOD!
IT WAS GOOD FOR ME THAT I had been afflicted so that I may learn that He could do miraculous things! I am compelled to say I would NOT HAVE COME TO KNOW THE SALVATION of GOD through any other way because THE LORD KNEW ME and He knew how to get my attention and draw me closer to Him! Going through Postpartum Depression renewed and deepened my relationship with God and it also showed me that I am strong enough to endure because He is always with me!