The night was young, my Pandora was on and I was listening to R&B music, as tears rolled down my face. I was curled up in bed reading old text messages that he had wrote. I was scrolling through our pictures together and I couldn’t believe what was happening. We had just celebrated my birthday and everything was perfect, I was on cloud nine! So I couldn’t believe I was lying on a soaking wet pillow, clinging onto a love that was no longer just a few weeks later. The man I envisioned walking down the aisle to, the man I wanted to have more children with, the man that my family opened up to so lovingly and with a warm embrace, God was telling me to let him go! I struggled with the decision, but as his actions slowly changed, as lies started to become the norm, and the trust between us started to fade, the decision became plain. I found myself lying on a soaking wet pillow crying out to God why? This was the first relationship I was in since I made the decision to no longer have sex until I was married, and it still was crashing right before my eyes. I then turned my attention away from what he was and wasn’t doing towards God. I questioned why things were falling apart. “God I am doing my best to honor you within this relationship, I am seeking you faithfully, what am I doing wrong this time?” When I say I begged God to make the relationship better, it’s quite laughable now the conversations that I had with God about a man that was not my husband.
From the outside looking in, I was the happiest I have ever been with a man. That happiness was true. We did everything together from church services, to hanging out with family and friends, to doing things with our kids together. I just knew that us becoming one would soon be a part of our future. I never had a bad argument with him, but there were signs that God was trying to get me to see, but sometimes we are so blind that we refuse to see them, BIG MISTAKE! If God shows you the signs, take note, He is trying to prevent you from more hurt than you have to experience later on down the road.
However, if you are a strategic prayer like I am, when I pray to God, my prayers can sometimes go like this “Lord, you know what is best for me. You know what I need and what I don’t need. Please remove from me anyone who means me no good. God I can be so wrapped into the good I see in others, that sometimes I refuse to see the bad in them. Therefore, be my eyes and ears. Watch over me. Protect me. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!” I pray those type of prayers consistently, never once did I imagine, the person that God would remove was the man I fell in love with, but God knows what’s best for us.
Even though things do not make sense to us, we have to follow what it says in Proverbs 3: 5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight.” I literally read this scripture daily because I was in so much pain, but I have been through enough to know that the plans I have for my life do not compare to the plans that the Lord has for me. Even though I totally did not understand why the relationship had to end, I just put my trust in Him and kept it moving! As the days went by, and the healing started to take place, God revealed to me little by little why the relationship had to end. We have to understand this, sometimes the plans that the Lord has for us are so great and big that everyone cannot go with us! Our destinies are so important to His Kingdom, that if someone does not align themselves with His plans, then He will remove them from our lives!
Therefore, we must pray about who we allow into our hearts because if we are flesh-led instead of spirit-led, then more harm can come from the situation than good. The flesh wants what it can hear, see, or smell and often times we are deceived by what the natural eye can see. Instead, be spirit-led and allow God to direct your path. Stay in His word! He will hide, protect, and cover you, and when the time is right He will reveal to you the person that is for you. Furthermore, WORK ON YOU! Now, my prayers have shifted to me. You may call that selfish, but instead of praying on the characteristics I would like my future partner to have, I ask the Lord to prepare me for him instead! Love is a verb, an action word, and actions speak volumes. Therefore, does he or she love you the way Christ intended for love to be displayed? If not, is God whispering to you, let it go? Pray, listen, and be led by the SPIRIT, not by your EMOTIONS!