I knew the Word and what God said about premarital sex, but I didn’t care! I wanted to please myself more than I wanted to please God. I knew I wasn’t honoring God. I took the scriptures and I decided what verses I wanted to live by, but 1 Corinthians 6:18 did not apply to me. That verse says “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.” I was so hurt. I was tired. I was empty inside and honestly as much as sex was a part of my life, I was unsatisfied. I knew God was the only One who could fill my void with His love, but I tried to fill it by staying in broken relationships. Therefore, why adopt what the world thinks is normal in a relationship when we know the TRUTH? When you think about it, the world says, well it is okay to have sex as long as you aren’t sleeping with everyone, just your boyfriend or girlfriend, but what happens when that relationship ends? You move onto the next relationship, and sleep with that boyfriend or girlfriend right? All you are doing is creating soul ties because every time we engage in sex we are taking a piece of that person with us. I knew I was in the wrong, and I started seeking God more and studying what He said about sex! I wanted to honor and please Him more than myself. I knew that if I honored Him, He would then turn around and honor me. It isn’t an easy decision to make after you have been sexually active for so many years, but He makes it easier for us because He strengthens us to abstain from sex. In 1 Corinthians 10:13 it says “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” Knowing that God is not a man that would lie and His words are true. I literally studied all of 1 Corinthians. I studied and I saw how Jesus treated the church. I saw how love was displayed throughout the Bible. I saw how Jesus loved unconditionally, how He cares for us. That’s the type of love that I want to experience.
I would not attract the type of man I need by the way I was living. I was tired of the pain. I was tired of the hurt. I was tired of giving my all to men who did not deserve it. I was tired of playing WIFE! I was tired of doing things that shouldn’t be done outside of a marriage, and I am not just speaking about sex. I had to come to the realization that I really do not belong to myself. If I boldly claim that I love God then I can’t pick and choose what scriptures I want to live by. I had to surrender all of me, not just part of me. I can’t be obedient in some areas of my life, but then turn around and lay down with someone who is not my husband. Every time I had sex I just felt more tired, spiritually, and I started to feel weak.
The weakness that I was experiencing allowed me to stay in bad relationships longer than I was supposed to because I was too weak to leave. I was too tangled and tied up into someone who was not meant to be my forever. I had to pray and ask God for strength to leave and when He gave me the strength and I still did not leave, He had to allow the pain to be so great that I had no choice, but to leave. He had to change my mentality of believing that having sex with men will seal the deal in keeping them. He changed my outlook and slowly revealed to me that there are others who are walking this walk with me. God is so faithful and amazing and He only wants His best for us. The peace that I have experienced in these last few years, the fun that I have indulged in, and the blessings I have reaped, all came from my decision to honor HIM completely, and that is not without mistakes, but sex was not a part of the equation! He will renew your mind if you seek Him! Honor Him, not because of what He has done, but just for WHO HE IS!