He looked me in my eyes when we kissed & every time he told me he loved me, not a day that he missed. He was so protective, didn't want me to feel neglected. I was too in love to see our love was defected. He wasn't just my boyfriend for long, more of a father figure role he selected & that was ok because for years I had yearned for that anyway. Growing up feigning for my father's love, this relationship was everything I had dreamed of UNTIL...
The arguing turned to fighting. The kissing to biting, the he loves me turned into he loves her & her & yes, he loves her too! The reasons for his deceit all pointed at me. I smiled too much & thought nothing of it, but to him that made it my fault that men looked at me in public! He wouldn't allow me to wear make-up & forced me to stay indoors. He went out with friends all the time while I cried myself to sleep, alone on the floor. When I tried to express how I felt he responded with anger. Every day I felt more & more like I was in danger! I knew if I didn't shut my mouth when he said so then his fist will meet my face with a massive blow!
I'll never forget the humiliation I felt when he ripped off my clothes or how my mind left my body when his spit dripped down my face! He turned his back & said "If you want to leave you're more than able." That night I slept in my car out of anger & disgust. How could he treat me so low, this man I gave up everything for? It's crazy how I still loved him after everything he put me through because his game never changed! He always came to make up saying "I wouldn't get so mad if I didn't love you so much." Then he'd do those sweet things & hold me with a sweet touch!
Oh, to add insult to injury, he fed me lies & I believed them! He told me that no man would ever love me like he did & to them I would be just a good....Screw! All the pain he caused & hurt he put me through truly had me convinced that he was the best I could ever do! So closer to him I drew. His demons started to jump on me freely & I was angry & looking for reasons to hate with all my might! Somebody must have been praying really hard for me because one day I finally got exhausted & walked away from that fight! He had stolen my self-esteem, made me feel ugly & worthless, but although it seemed that I didn't walk away with much, I walked away with my life & for me that was enough!